Virus Chronicles – Day 8

Just now, I reread the first Virus Chronicles. Wow! TMI! – who really wants to read about infected toes? Thinking back, I was crazy scattered, disoriented, wild with anxiety – like so many others. My usual common sense filter had failed. So, I promise – no more gross talk about infected toes!!

It was one week ago now that my son, his gf, and I laughed about staying home to “work”. Sure. ( How to do that with all the other things that had to get done? – Haha!) That night we Wined. Charaded. Laughed. Hugged. 7 days ago.

Today, the dearth of cars on the freeway and roads in general was stunning. And so are the empty parking lots. (Hey, this is Seattle! What’s the deal with empty parking lots and dark storefronts?)

This V thing is bizarre. I get disoriented and bewildered and, thankfully, disbelief and denial offer temporary balm. Grief is like that. Many people and I are feeling ACUTE loss (routine, access to gym, library, schools, church) and tolerating the reality only so long.

And then there are those other losses. The loss of hopes and dreams to go on vacation, get married, go to weddings and reunions, relocate, graduate. All sorts of celebrations postponed or even cancelled. The word “indefinitely” seems ominous at times. Disbelief and denial are ok in small doses.

Are you and your peeps grieving? I know losing loved ones isn’t nearly the same. Yet, am dismayed when the losses we’re experiencing bring similar feelings and responses.

Today I picked up some OTC cough stuff at the drug store. The clerk and I remarked on how much friendlier folks seem these days. “Well”, she offered, “except for the 25% who are mad as hell when they come in here and see the “Out of Stock” signs.” She went on, “some folks yell things at me like, why can’t you stock your shelves? What the *F* is going on?”. She demonstrated how they pound the counter.

Which got me back to thinking about us humans as animals. We’re hardwired to respond to threat (of any kind) with fear in the form of “fight”, “flight” and/ or “freeze”, right? So, I figured the counter pounding people are in “fight” mode. (My hope is that their adrenaline will run out real soon!) I feel wary and, at the same time, weary. Fear takes a lot of energy and prolonged fear will takes its toll.

So, let us call fear out, use our heads, and keep on smiling, waving and distancing from other sentient beings!! What are other things we can do to move through this together?

In closing: Despite the Serenity Prayer, I’ve been reeling with loss of control of my routines, contacts, activities, etc. So, I did something I COULD control. I clarified my end of life wishes to fit the current times. Now my kids know “if I get sick and need a ventilator to survive and there are younger people or kids that need one too, let me go.” In the long run, I believe that is the greatest gift I can give them – in case they ever have to make that kind of decision. Have you done your end- of- life planning with your loved ones?

The good news is: Earth is smiling! The Venetian Canals are running clear and the smog over China and Italy has abated. Interesting. Let’s talk!