Virus Chronicles
Day 2 – aware of grief -Disbelief and denial. Losses: get-togethers with friends, gym, Y for swimming, other freedoms. Contemplating what “freedom” has meant. Invited for dinner with family. We laughed, ate gourmet ( that’s their style), played charades and took funny photos. Did we hug too much? Wondering, “what does this mean for the future?”Trying to not be too anxious. Listening to news and checking the web (too much it turns out).
Day 3- Wandered around the house doing this and that. Feeling restless. Gloomy and cold outdoors – took a 2 mile walk anyway with friend. Enough smiles at grocery store to relieve anxiety temporarily. Got blister. Started another jigsaw puzzle. Frustrated- hard to concentrate – another loss since I’ve always been able to “get in the flow” doing it. Too much “bubble shoot” app, but it’s working best as distraction since Netflix and reading are not. Recalled nature of anxiety: we are basically animals who respond to threat with “fight, flight, or freeze”. Some people in “freeze” during today’s quick trip to grocery store. (Running out of the usual things – not stocking up – not hoarding). Too much news is contributing to my own “flight” response. Feeling no “fight”. Looking forward to sleep.
Day 4 – to urgent care for infected toe. Laughed when she gave me a sterile need to lance the infected part. Did so – lots of puss. but relief from pain and hope for quick recovery with Keflix. Grateful parmacyis opens nd those folks are calm. Noticed a few people in “freeze”. (also know as “tharn” in Watership Down). Did so – lots of puss. Contemplated the nature of infection in our society. Went to Starbucks for usual comfort food: Cheese Danish. No cream for Americano since all condiments put away. The virus hangs out on surfaces even at Starbucks – or so they say. So few people, I had lots of choices where to sit and play “Bubble Shoot”. Practiced old Bach and Mozart piano pieces I played at age 18! Amazed at muscle memory available to play with delight! Took a stab at some other, more familiar pieces. Grateful for the “Flow”. Decided to add “practice the piano” to my daily goals. Eager for bedtime.
Day 5- Grateful for good sleep. Laughing re: the number and nature of responses to a question I offered on a FB page (Consumer Advocate) re: toilet paper. Arguments re: whether or not to use paper towels. Some using cloth and washing. Some recommending the bidets they are happy to have bought at the beginning and some regretting sending theirs back! Some upset because they’ve already spent bucks getting sewers cleared and others excited because they live with plumbers (who will have plenty of work). I wonder about the nature of common sense.
Nagging worry re: gaining weight from emotional eating and reduced exercise. Texted new on- line dating contact to walk the Burke-Gilman trail later. No word back yet. Has he ghosted me? Had session with therapist via zoom – considered options for coping with return of bipolar symptoms. Best thing is to create structure and do the usual self care: activity, nutrition, sleep, socialization, relaxation techniques. Trying to stay centered when heart starts to race. Breathing. Focussing on feet on the ground. Thinking about Victor Frankl’s survival phiolosophy.
Alarmed that people across the country are buying guns and ammunition they didn’t have until recently. Will this pandemic bring out the best AND the worst in people? Likely so. I choose to let the best come out – went to give blood, but hemoglobin too low. Will try again later next week.
Got a call from a frantic friend, “they expect people to shelter in place in San Fransisco”. We talk about what that means. Call from family re: school out until next fall. I contemplate what that could mean for kids and care-givers. Repeating to self, “This too shall pass” and “Everything will be all right in the end and if it’s not all right, it’s not the end”. Momentary soothe. Thinking that may be all there is – momentary soothes – for a while. Pledge to get outside and stay in contact with family and friends. Does washing hands matter any more?
Thank you, Mary Lou! As a still employed medical lab scientist I am living in a surreal world. Commutes are quick on open roads, hospital cafeteria has widely spaced tables, the lab is processing 2000 per day samples for covid-19 test. My job is in chemistry but we are all pitching in with extra shifts in processing to help and I will be helping on my days off. Healthy thank goodness and so is my canine, Miss Joy.
Sue – please keep the information about your workplace flowing.Glad to know you and Joy are well. STAY that way!!
Mom, keep on writing!! It’s good for you and for the rest of us.
Thank you Ben. It means a lot to me to hear from you!!
ML,great work….you are amazing! Thank you
thank you! Writing is best coping skill at this point in my life…
Counting on the best showing up here in our area. SO far, lots of signs and examples shared of strangers helping strangers, making friends with neighbors, sharing and caring. We can and will rise above and get beyond this wiser and healthier. Love the rambling thoughts in this.
Lora – thanks for the comments! I’m also optimistic that we have an opportunity to create a better world. Chaos can breed opportunities for creativity – and, like you said, we can become wiser and healthier.
I appreciate your insight now as much as I always have. Keep washing your hands and posting as both are so important.
thanks for the support Shellie! No better time to follow your heart!