To Be 70 years old

In just 16 hours, I will have been alive in this form for 70 years. I’m on the edge, on the cusp, at the end and at the beginning. The year I turned 60, my mom died. The year I turned 50, I took my kids to Hawaii. For the 40th, I had a slumber party with my gal pals. Turning 30 is a blur – I probably was high. I don’t remember the 20th. For the 10th, my mom took me and Sarah Bindas and Becky Kleager to the Ice Capades in Lincoln – we stayed at the Cornhusker Hotel – the fanciest place in Nebraska at the time. Before that, my mom made a big deal of my birthdays with balloons, parties, gifts and homemade cakes in the shape of hearts. Tomorrow, I celebrate with some family and friends – some via zoom, some behind masks and some in my four person pod.

I’m acutely aware I may have 20-25 more years on this earth if I’m lucky. Not very much time in the whole scheme of things. I’m grateful to be in community with writers who value story and encourage and support the telling of my story through memoir (to be published in 2022). Writing is my door to freedom from past traumas, misinformation, and shame and I’m hoping my story will be of value to at least one person along the way. Everyone needs to know they are not alone.

I’m quadruple grateful to be in starkly authentic relationships with my kids and grandkids and friends. And I’m grateful to have learned the Serenity Prayer years ago. Why? Because finally, I’m a just a tiny bit more familiar with wisdom. I’m choosing to accept the things i can’t change (e.g. body build, bipolared brain, other people), to change the things I can (e.g. inner dialogue, sleep, food and exercise). And recently to change my relationship with TuneBlast (see soon to be published post re: TuneBlast phone addiction).

How about you? Are you on the eve, the cusp or the edge of anything? Are you crossing the threshhold from end to beginning or beginning to end? Let’s embrace and hold each other precious as we journey side by side.

To the people I love, please know “I’ve got your back” and I will have, even after I pass from this body into the Great Mystery.